If by magic, only you could see it, would you still buy it?
This one question strips away our elaborate justifications and reveals the truth about why we buy things.
Much of what we buy (and do) is for others – more than we care to admit. We’re masterful at convincing ourselves otherwise, creating stories that protect our self-image as rational, independent thinkers.
But we’re not. Entire industries thrive on our willingness to pay massive premiums for status markers. A £20,000 Rolex instead of a £200 Seiko. A £4,000 Louis Vuitton bag instead of a £120 M&S. £30 Aesop hand soap instead of £3 alternatives. A £30,000 wedding instead of an equally beautiful, intimate ceremony.
We tell ourselves compelling stories: “It’s about the craftsmanship.” “I appreciate the heritage.” “This is an investment.” And sometimes those stories contain threads of truth.
But the biggest reason? External validation. Admiration. The rush when someone notices.
We’re social creatures wired for connection and recognition. Even the most fiercely independent among us will swoon when their luxury purchase gets even the smallest acknowledgment.
The irony is that we’re so desperate for acceptance or to be thought of as superior that we’ll pay a fortune for it – all whilst we skimp on our weekly food shop.
The next time you reach for your debit card, pause. Remove the imagined audience. Strip away the fantasy of who you’ll become. And ask yourself: “If no one else could see it, would I still want it?” Is this purchase an expression of who I truly am, or who I want others to think I am?
This isn’t to guilt yourself, but to free yourself. It’s more than a way of spending less money – it’s a way of acting in a way that aligns with who you truly are.
Because the things you’d buy when no one’s watching? Those are the things that actually matter to you.
Sometimes the most profound wisdom comes from the unlikeliest sources. Case in point: the comedy show The Office (US) has given me two pieces of advice I rely on constantly.
Don’t be an idiot
Michael asks his protégée Dwight what the best piece of advice he ever gave him was.
“Don’t be an idiot” he replies without hesitation. “Changed my life”.
It’s played for laughs – highlighting the absurdity that Dwight never independently considered this himself.
Dwight continues: “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”
It’s a beautifully simple mental model – and surprisingly effective.
I use it multiple times a week:
About to cross a road before the lights turn red while drunk? Would an idiot do this? Yes. So don’t do it.
Considering overtaking a slow car on a somewhat blind country lane? Would an idiot do this? Yes. So don’t do it.
Tempted to drink two Monster Energy drinks in one day? Would an idiot do this? Yes. So don’t do it.
While many mental models are complicated – requiring deep understanding of unconscious biases, psychology, and yourself – this one is exquisitely simple. It cuts through complexity and works in the heat of the moment.
“Would an idiot do this?” This single question has helped me avoid countless dangerous situations and poor decisions.
If I can’t scuba…
In another episode, a rumors spreads throughout the office that Creed has asthma. He’s worried. “If it gets out, they won’t let me scuba. If I can’t scuba, then what has this all been about? What am I working toward?”
Me and my girlfriend are currently looking to buy our first home. I’ll often say: “If I can’t scuba…” Meaning: if I can’t get a house with a bath and a garden, then what are we doing here? What’s the point?
Scuba diving is Creed’s guiding light for life. It’s his non-negotiable that makes all the nonsense tolerable and all his hard work worthwhile.
We all need our own version of scuba – our minimum viable product for living.
It can be anything you love that always sparks joy. An expensive iced coffee on a Saturday morning. Spending every evening with your child. A twice-yearly holiday to Malta. A car with 500+ BHP. Helping underprivileged children.
The specifics don’t matter. What matters is identifying what’s non-negotiable for your happiness. Without your “scuba,” life will feel more painful and purposeless.
Hi all 👋 Hope you had a good week. Here’s what I’ve been thinking, learning and writing.
🏡 Life Update
I’ve never had any interest in going to a traditional English afternoon tea. Eating tiny bites with a big price? No thanks.
But my Mum loves them. So off we went for Mother’s Day. And to the Savoy Hotel too (the thinking mans Ritz). It was all perfectly nice, and less stuffy than I imagined. But it was eye-wateringly expensive for some mini sandwiches and cakes.
For six months or so I’ve been all-in on Notion when it comes to my work. I use it for meetings notes, a knowledge base, to-dos and as a calendar. It’s a powerful tool.
Before that I used Roam Research. But I got tired of having my to-dos and notes having to live separately – I needed tighter integration. So off to Notion I went.
But I’ve b experimenting with Logseq, which is essentially an open-source Roam clone. It’s gotten a lot better than when I used it several years ago. There’s little reason you’d pay for Roam over the free Logseq.
However, it still has most of the same limitations that Roam had. And it is also rather buggy and slow. So it’s not dethroning Notion.
“Is It Time for Old School?” Michael Wade suggesting bringing back classical music knowledge, memorising poetry, joining community service organisations, reading more books, and more.
There’s a whiff of “old man shouts at cloud”, but there’s still food for thought in this list.
The good thing about Partridge is that it’s still ongoing. Unlike a Blackadder, which was released and done with, there’s been plenty of Partridge shows, specials, podcasts and books.
One of the more recent ones is This Time with Alan Partridge. Upon release I thought it was decent, but nothing special. But it’s grown on me over time and I really like it now.
Each week a celebrity is dropped into a improvised murder mystery scenario. All the actors know the script, the celebrity doesn’t.
I’d actually seen the American spin-off – Murderville – and enjoyed it. So it was good to stumble upon the British original. It’s really great. A silly, fun show that you can’t help but like. Find out where to stream it.
🎵 Music
Note: most links are to Spotify.
David Gray
I saw David Gray at the Royal Albert Hall. I’d never actually listened to a lot of his work. His masterpiece from 1998 – White Ladder – has plenty of songs I love, but I never looked beyond that. So I ventured across his discography ahead of the show.
His other work isn’t quite in the league of that 1998 classic, but I was really impressed by Flesh in particular. And I still have plenty more to listen to.
Oh yes, the show. It was very good. Many of the musicians I listen to were at their peak in the 60s/70s, so are now old men. So I have to arrive to their shows with fairly low expectations. And even then I’m sometimes disappointed. So I’m not used to a proper energetic show by someone still in their relative youth. He still sounds great and he put on a wonderful show. And it’s always good to visit the Royal Albert Hall.
She’s getting better. This is still mostly country. But some rocky elements are starting to seep in, and for the better. “Long Long Time” is the standout track here – it’s stunning. 6/10
Best tracks:
“Are My Thoughts With You?”: a pretty country ballad with a melancholic harmonica.
“Long Long Time”: I first heard this in S01E03 of The Last of Us. The song is a big part of the episode, and I was a bit disappointed by the song choice. So many songs, and they choose a mediocre one. I was wrong. Listening to it on the album it’s a beautiful song.
“Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”: a fun, pleasant cover.
A pleasant and mellow country-inspired album. Whilst not outstanding, I could see me myself putting this on again when I want something not too challenging. 5/10
Best tracks:
“Bet No One Ever Hurt This Bad”
“The Only Mama That’ll Walk The Line”: a fun country number that reminds me a bit of “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’” by Nancy Sinatra
I have a goal to write a more. Just a little bit, every day.
It’s part of my initiative to take advantage of the mornings more. I’m tired of spending 60–90 minutes upon waking just scrolling on my phone.
And whilst I’m not committed to posting something every day, I’m going to try to.
However, I struggle with getting a post over the line – getting it from 80% done, to 100% done and hitting ‘publish’.
I find the final details around things like sentence order and ensuring a post has a beginning and an ending really tough. And very slow going.
What often happens is that I get the draft 80% completed and plan to come back and finish it, but get distracted or lose the motivation. And if I do come back to it days, weeks, or months later, the momentum is gone. So it languishes in my drafts folder until I delete it six months later.
Also, as any writer will tell you, looking at old writing is painful. After just a month or two, you’ve often changed or improved enough as a writer that reading past writing is an exercise in cringe and pain. I’ve never published a draft that was more than a week old.
But I had a thought yesterday: why not publish and then do that final little bit of editing? The writing is still decent and readable – it has a serviceable skeleton. It just needs that final finessing.
And hey, if I publish it and don’t come back to ‘finish it’, at least I got it out the door.
So that’s my goal: be just as willing to click ‘publish’ as I am to click ’new draft’.
In this weeks weeknotes I mentioned how Game of Thrones disappeared from cultural relevance. Now I’m noticing Rick and Morty followed a similar path.
During its early seasons, it dominated geek culture and the internet. Today? Almost nothing.
For me, the decline began with the McDonalds Szechuan sauce incident. The public suddenly saw the toxic side of the fanbase. Then came allegations of abuse and general creepiness against co-creator Justin Roiland. The magic somehow evaporated.
The quality seems to have dipped too. I’m watching season six – it’s acceptable but repetitive. Not as good as its original self.
Unlike Game of Thrones, which I still love despite its cultural abandonment, I’ve let Rick and Morty go. Once among my favorite shows, now I barely think about it, let alone watch it.
I’m still getting into the swing of writing these weeknotes, so I’ve missed the past two weeks. I’m realising that I shouldn’t wait until the end of the week to write it. I should just add to it each day.
Anyway, here’s what I’ve been thinking, learning and writing these part three weeks.
🏡 Life Update
My biggest highlight recently was getting to feed baby lambs at Herrings Green Activity Farm. Delightful. Aside from having some farm animals, it’s also a cracking owl sanctuary. My main takeaway is that eagles are scary and owls are spooky.
This new image generator is a big, big leap forward. I am very scared of image/video AI.1 There needs to be regulation or protection against it – and quickly. Of course, it’s not only very difficult to do (the horse has left the stable), but also just unlikely to happen.
There’s plenty of inventions that create a clear before and after in the history of the world. AI is one. It’s a printing press moment.
House purchase update. We didn’t get the cottage I fell in love with. Devastating :( Though oddly, I was less sad than I expected. Once I knew it was not possible I just accepted it. One day I will own a cottage. But by the looks of it, it won’t be this decade.
Me and my girlfriend stayed in a spa hotel. It’s an obvious thing to say, but it was relaxing. I’ve never done a spa weekend before, so wasn’t sure what to expect. But it was lovely. I like anywhere that has a sauna. On my final day I had two baths and spent time in the pool, jacuzzi, and sauna.
Went to see the Basement Yard podcast live. It was more for my girlfriend than me, but I had fun. Though quite a few members of the crowd were awful and shouted throughout.
But the for me, the highlight was Peter Serafinowicz sitting right behind me. Within seconds of hearing him talk I suspected it was him – he has a wonderful, velvety voice. The only thing that threw me off was his Liverpool accent. I didn’t realise he was from there, and I guess he tends to not use his original accent in most projects. He seemed like a very pleasant guy from what I could overhear.
🧠 Things I Learnt
The Karaites are an ancient Jewish religious sect “beyond the acceptable fringes of mainstream rabbinic Judaism, recognising only the Torah as Devine law.” They survived the holocaust by arguing they were not really Jewish at all.
💭 Short Thoughts and Notes
I really need to eat more tuna and cucumber sandwiches. I kind of feel that a sandwich for lunch is a defeat. The depressing, boring choice. But tuna and cucumber is divine. It’s Mother’s Day today and me and my sister are taking Mum to the Savoy Hotel for afternoon tea. I’m hoping those sandwiches won’t feel like defeat.
🎬 Films
The Book of Eli
I remember this being a very solid dystopian disaster film, with great action scenes and a stylish look.
Watching it again 15 years on, it’s actually rather crap.
Gary Oldman and Denzel Washington do their thing. But this is quite dull and uninspired. And I didn’t realise how bad Mila Kunis is in it.
This is objectively bad. But I have a soft spot for it. It’s fun, harmless and keeps you perfectly entertained for 90 minutes. 60%(Stream it)
📺 TV
Game of Thrones
One of my top five TV shows of all time, this is my fifth or sixth rewatch. The main difference this time around is that I was sober. When the show was being aired one of the highlights of my week was getting drunk and watching the latest episode. I have fond memories of it. And when the show finished it entered the pantheon of films/TV that I enjoyed watching drunk. But I don’t drink much these days, so this was a sober experience. But no less of a great one.
Sure, the last season is pretty naff (though better than I remembered). But Game of Thrones continues to be tremendous TV, with many exceptional characters and jaw dropping moments.
The world hasn’t forgotten or forgiven the awful ending and it feels like the show has almost disappeared from the cultural map. It just kind of forgot that it was one of the most dominant forces in TV for many years. Each and every episode was an event, with people going to bars to watch episodes as a group (link contains major spoilers). But I haven’t forgotten. It’s still exceptional. If you’ve never seen it before or haven’t rewatched for a long time, I encourage you to give it a go. (Stream it)
A Thousand Blows
A show about crime and bareknuckle boxing set in 1880s London should be right up my street. But this felt a bit Disneyified and I just couldn’t get into it. The world or characters just didn’t feel real or interesting. (Stream it)
🎵 Music
Worked my way through the first few albums of Mac DeMarco, for the first time. A tad disappointed. It seems like his best songs were the couple that I was already aware of and had listened to.
But of course all my fears go out the window if I can create cute Studio Ghibli images. ↩︎
Hi all 👋 Hope you had a good week. My week was pretty quiet (as the short weeknotes will reflect).
🏡 Life Update
The theme of this week continues to be me and my girlfriend looking to buy our first home. We’re having to pull out of the one we’ve put an offer accepted for1. Our cirumstances have changed and we have fallen in love with a gorgeous cottage.
All my life I’ve wanted to life in a cottage, so the chance to fulfill that dream is too good to miss. It is gorgeous and has everything you want from a cottage: wooden beams, cubby holes, slightly quirky (but large) layout, and a log burner We’ve put in an offer today. Let’s hope they accept.
Oh also, my Honda Civic turned 20 years old this week.
💭 Short Thoughts and Notes
Because I’m going to be a home owner at some point in the next few months I’ve gotten serious about budgeting again.
Many years ago I used YNAB, which I still like. But it’s $15 a month. So I’ve looked elsewhere. Actual is a good one. But I decided to go really geeky and am using hledger. Will I find it too tiresome and ‘manual’? Eventually. But right now it’s mostly fun.
Has a main character on a TV show ever actually died by drowning? It’s always just a cliffhanger.
I use Arq to backup files on my MacBook Pro. But it can feel a bit ‘heavy’ and slow at times. So I looked for other options for my Mac mini and I went with restic.
It uses the CLI – unlike Arq with its GUI.
But to be honest, the GUI of Arq doesn’t do the main thing I want anyway: quickly preview different versions of a file to work out which is the one that I want to restore.2 So it doesn’t make too much of difference that restic lacks a GUI.
I’m impressed by restic thus far. It’s fast, and uses a tiny amount of CPU.
I’m using it to backup my most important files to AWS S3 – with backups being sent to S3 Glacier after a month, so save money.
And my slightly less important media files are backed up to Scaleway Glacier, which only costs £1.66 per TB a month.
And you know what they say, your backups aren’t truly backups until you’ve confirmed you can actually restore data from them.
Well I had to this morning. I made a mistake when doing a git rebase and lost some files. So I ran the restic command and restored the data in seconds. I’m impressed.
Food labelling around how the animals were treated before they were murdered really needs to be changed.
Maybe I’m just thick, but it’s all so vague and I’m not sure exactly what they mean. “Organic” and “Higher Welfare” are meaningless to me. At least “Free to Roam” is somewhat descriptive.
But I think most of the UK public is in a similar boat to me.
I went to a pub and at one point had three dogs in my eyeline. That should be a legal requirement for all pubs.
Something I like about 4K BluRays is that old films are being ‘rereleased’ on them.
It’s a great way to discover films you might not have seen before.
In May, a film I very much have seen before arrives on BluRay: A Knight’s Tale. It’s a film I love.
Usually when I buy a whole chicken I use it for a roast dinner. But this week we mixed it up a used it to make a Nandosesque chicken dish with chips and coleslaw. It was a success. I love a roast, so it was a bit of a risk potentially ‘wasting’ that chicken making something else.
It was a extra-large chicken. So the next day we used the leftovers to make chicken wraps, which were delightful.
🎵 Music
I listened to a bit of Jackson Browne. His music is gorgeous. His songs have a melancholic beauty that hits the same part of my brain as Van Morrison. He’s also a rare 1960/70’s musician in that had some very good albums outside of those two decades. With songs like Hold Out, Call It a Loan, On The Day, In the Shape of a Heart, Sky Blue and Black.
I saw someone rate Low as David Bowie’s best album. Not having heard it for a while, I gave it a listen. I don’t know what the best Bowie album is. But it’s Low.
Which isn’t ideal at all. And I feel bad for the owners. But… it was their dead parents house, so they’re just selling it to get their inheritence – I’m not stopping them from moving house. And they have been bloody slow at responding to our questions. ↩︎
He was a Member of Parliament, but he’s mostly remembered for his high-quality manuscript1 collection. Though sadly a lot of his books were lost or damaged in a fire in 1731.
I thought it interesting how genealogy and ancestry determined personal status in Tudor and Stuart England.
So much so, that when the Scottish James I became King of England, many courtiers and scholars adjusted their family narratives to fit James’s Scottish interests.
Cotton was no different. He emphasised and possibly reinterpreted parts of his lineage to show stronger Scottish ancestry – ignoring certain ancestors and highlighting others.
He even inserted “Bruce” as his middle name, associating himself with Robert the Bruce.
💭 Short Thoughts and Notes
The Qatar ExxonMobil Open: a tennis tournament brought to you by fossil fuels and sportswashing.
Tom Hardy hasn’t been in a good film for years. When I saw him pop up in a trailer I used to be like “can’t wait to check this out”. Now when I see him I think “this is going to be terrible”.
Nothing comes close to the anger of biting your tongue. Not yanking on your headphone wire. Not catching your pocket on a door handle. NOTHING.
Inspired and enlightened by this article, I’ve put Mastodon ‘comments’ onto this blog. Feel free to add your thoughts at the bottom of the page 👇
Until now I’ve never really thought it about how depressing cafes in museums, art galleries and other such buildings are. In my mind these cafes should be lovely. Cosy, warming and comfortable. A place to discuss the art just seen. Instead they’re nearly always like school cafeterias. The food trays and chairs are made out of the same plain, thin wood. The tables are arranged to get the largest number of people inside. And the lighting is bright and white. And there’s always a queue to order. I think there’s a reason why I avoid them like the plague.
One day you start blogging and before you know it your blog is ancient. I’m Left Handed, my blog largely about technology is now 15 years old.
I was amazed to see these strange white strawberries in M&S. Apparently they have a “pineapple aroma and a hint of vanilla.” So I bit into it with anticipation (it’s not every day you try a new fruit). And… it tasted just like a normal strawberry. Disappointing.
They might be called something different where you are, like pineberry. But either way, don’t buy them. They’re not worth the extra money.
With the smell of smoke still softly rising from last nights fires, me and my best friend Sam took a walk.
The ground was endlessly dew-covered and we were the only humans awake.
Amid the dank trees there was a beacon glowing. A vending machine.
I chose a curiously named drink I’d heard of but never tasted: Dr Pepper.
Looking out over the campsite, I took a sip. It was magic. It tasted unlike anything I’d ever had.
And standing there with Sam, watching mist hover above the grass and curl around the trees, the moment was perfect.
It was a ‘high’ I’ve tried to chase ever since. But every time I camped or had a Dr Pepper it was so… ordinary. It wasn’t the same as that day when I was a boy.
And when I took a sip I was transported back to that morning. This was it. This was what I’d tasted.
I don’t even know if I actually had the cherry flavoured one that fateful morning. But either way, the cherry one of 2025 tastes the same as that Dr Pepper did all those years ago. And I’m going to buy a million of them.
It’s usually foolish trying to chase nostalgia. But just sometimes, it pays off.
Reading Henrik Karlsson° got me thinking about the importance of high quality ‘inputs’.
Every day, we wade through dozens of blog posts, when our reading list is full. We browse book reviews, despite having shelves of unread greatness. We scan Rotten Tomatoes, while our watchlist already contains more masterpieces than we could watch in years.
Consuming excellence isn’t a search problem. It’s a focus problem. I know which blogs have a low ‘hit’ rate. I know early on when a book isn’t good. I know I rarely gain anything from visiting a news site.
So don’t be sentimental. Be ruthless. And be aware of how short your day/week/year/life is. How many books will you read in a lifetime? Less than you think. Stop reading that average book your friend recommended and loved. Stop following that blog that isn’t interesting, just because they’re a sweet person. Abandon that dull TV show at episode three, not episode ten.
But cutting out the mediocre isn’t enough. You not only have to consume great content, you have to engage it. Wrestle with the ideas. Connect them to your experience. Talk and write about them. Only then can they be digested and become part of your thinking.
I catch myself failing at this constantly. Loosely reading ten mediocre but easy articles instead of engaging with the exceptional one. Despite knowing that one hour deeply processing a great article yields more value than ten hours of shallow reading.
So let’s not forget: excellence isn’t hidden. The challenge isn’t finding it – it’s choosing to engage with it.
No one prepares you for the grief you feel in your 30s. Time suddenly feels like it sped up — you’re grieving the life you thought you’d have by now, you’re seeing your parents get older, you and your loved ones are all experiencing loss in some capacity, you’re outgrowing relationships, and you’re constantly thinking of your own mortality; wanting to live life to the fullest, but “the fullest” costs money so you’re stuck working to afford a life you have no time to live.
As a 33-year-old, I fully understand where she’s coming from.
A general melancholy often surrounds me. My life isn’t bad at all, objectively speaking. But I find myself caught between a nostalgic past and a adulthood that feels different from what I imagined.
Looking at childhood photos makes me sad. I’ve fallen into watching endless nostalgia videos on social media showcasing the toys, TV shows, and life of my childhood. It creates an ache in my gut, but I can’t resist. It’s like I’m living vicariously through my past self.
It feels like just a few years ago I turned 22. Now I’m 33.
Despite recognising this fleeting nature of time, I don’t make the effort to live more. I don’t take up new hobbies, travel, or focus on my health. Instead, I continue in the same old patterns. And though I know I’ll regret this when I turn 50 (which will come around sooner than I think), I can’t seem to break the cycle.
I’ve read that many people report their 30s as their happiest decade. I hope that proves true. Despite the melancholic tone of this post, I don’t consider myself badly off. I’m not chronically depressed, financially struggling, or in poor health.
But I just feel off. The sun doesn’t shine as brightly as it once did. Few things truly excite me anymore. Life simply feels plain. I’ve been waiting for years for it to feel like it used to. But it hasn’t. And I don’t think it will.
I saw a TikTok where a wife said that when her husband claimed he’d do anything for her, he meant fighting off bears and going into battle. Not putting the washing away.
There’s a lesson about life and love in that quip. When we’re young, we imagine life’s defining moments as grand and cinematic – standing firm against formidable foes and making dramatic declarations of love. What we don’t realise is that most of life’s biggest battles will be boring and monotonous. Often that’s precisely why they’re challenging.
It’s not about dramatic gestures or heroic moments. It’s about turning up day-in, day-out, to do something mundane that you don’t particularly enjoy. Loading the dishwasher for the thousandth time. Having the same conversation with your partner about household chores. Plodding through another week at work.
Sometimes the challenge isn’t about fighting at all, but about resisting the urge to fight. It’s holding your tongue when you could lash out. It’s choosing the difficult conversation over the slammed door.2 It’s declining the dessert when your body is screaming for a sweet treat. Life is won or lost in the quiet moments nobody applauds you for. Battles that are often internal.
It’s not whether you’d leap in front of a bus to save your loved one . It’s whether you’ll stand in the rain for ages outside the train station because your girlfriend was delayed due to chatting – without making them feel guilty about it. The real test of love is whether you’ll do that monotonous job without being asked and without expecting a pat on the back.
Glory isn’t on the imagined battlefields, but in the quiet dignity of showing up for the small things, again and again and again.
I’ve been playing a lot of Age of Empires II over the past few weeks.
First released in 1999, I was first introduced to it by watching my Uncle play it probably some time in 2003. And I’ve been playing it on and off ever since. Over 20 years!
As a game it has had remarkable staying power. And it’s a prime example of the benefit of single player games3. Most of the games I play and have played are multiplayer. And even if I wanted to still play them, I can’t because the servers were turned off long ago. But here Age of Empires is, still working, and still being played. I love it.
In book collecting, a ‘manuscript’ typically refers to a handwritten or unpublished work, while a ‘book’ refers to a printed and bound work produced mechanically. ↩︎
I saw a TikTok where a wife said that when her husband claimed he’d do anything for her, he meant fighting off bears and going into battle. Not putting the washing away.
There’s a lesson about life and love in that quip. When we’re young, we imagine life’s defining moments as grand and cinematic – standing firm against formidable foes and making dramatic declarations of love. What we don’t realise is that most of life’s biggest battles will be boring and monotonous. Often that’s precisely why they’re challenging.
It’s not about dramatic gestures or heroic moments. It’s about turning up day-in, day-out, to do something mundane that you don’t particularly enjoy. Loading the dishwasher for the thousandth time. Having the same conversation with your partner about household chores. Plodding through another week at work.
Sometimes the challenge isn’t about fighting at all, but about resisting the urge to fight. It’s holding your tongue when you could lash out. It’s choosing the difficult conversation over the slammed door.1 It’s declining the dessert when your body is screaming for a sweet treat. Life is won or lost in the quiet moments nobody applauds you for. Battles that are often internal.
It’s not whether you’d leap in front of a bus to save your loved one . It’s whether you’ll stand in the rain for ages outside the train station because your girlfriend was delayed due to chatting – without making them feel guilty about it. The real test of love is whether you’ll do that monotonous job without being asked and without expecting a pat on the back.
Glory isn’t on the imagined battlefields, but in the quiet dignity of showing up for the small things, again and again and again.
No one prepares you for the grief you feel in your 30s. Time suddenly feels like it sped up — you’re grieving the life you thought you’d have by now, you’re seeing your parents get older, you and your loved ones are all experiencing loss in some capacity, you’re outgrowing relationships, and you’re constantly thinking of your own mortality; wanting to live life to the fullest, but “the fullest” costs money so you’re stuck working to afford a life you have no time to live.
As a 33-year-old, I fully understand where she’s coming from.
A general melancholy often surrounds me. My life isn’t bad at all, objectively speaking. But I find myself caught between a nostalgic past and a adulthood that feels different from what I imagined.
Looking at childhood photos makes me sad. I’ve fallen into watching endless nostalgia videos on social media showcasing the toys, TV shows, and life of my childhood. It creates an ache in my gut, but I can’t resist. It’s like I’m living vicariously through my past self.
It feels like just a few years ago I turned 22. Now I’m 33.
Despite recognising this fleeting nature of time, I don’t make the effort to live more. I don’t take up new hobbies, travel, or focus on my health. Instead, I continue in the same old patterns. And though I know I’ll regret this when I turn 50 (which will come around sooner than I think), I can’t seem to break the cycle.
I’ve read that many people report their 30s as their happiest decade. I hope that proves true. Despite the melancholic tone of this post, I don’t consider myself badly off. I’m not chronically depressed, financially struggling, or in poor health.
But I just feel off. The sun doesn’t shine as brightly as it once did. Few things truly excite me anymore. Life simply feels plain. I’ve been waiting for years for it to feel like it used to. But it hasn’t. And I don’t think it will.
